By Nick Meima, M.A.

There are many “online experts” who suggest that you should jump into the dating pool right after your divorce. In our experience it’s not prudent to begin dating immediately.

Many people are in denial about the emotional and practical challenges they face in relationship loss. Divorce or death of a spouse is rated as among the most stressful of life events. Inevitably there are adjustments: to a new living situation, to living alone or being solely responsible for the children at least part of the time, to having less money to live on, that your former partner’s “family” will likely no longer be part of your life, and that many old friends “drop away”.

If you have children, there will be major adjustments they have to make. Before you can adequately support them, you need to do the work that it takes to become as strong and stable as possible.

Without healing from the painful aspects of relationship loss, and without learning what you did to contribute to the old relationship ending, not giving yourself enough time to adjust will put you in a new relationship that lacks a strong foundation.

As a result the new relationship could be more problematic than the last. The statistics for “rebound “relationships” show a staggering failure rate. Not only is the process painful for you, but children, friends and relatives are dragged through the process as well.

Don’t get stuck in denial. Don’t jump from one painful ending into a new problematic relationship.

What’s best to do instead? Develop new friendships. We all need support to make it through the rough spots and help us celebrate the moments of success and accomplishment. In the process you can gain new perspectives about what you really value, enjoy, and what your new goals in life will be as a single person.

So take your time; do your healing work. Take the Rebuilding Seminar with its proven success in helping people move through the challenges of relationship loss.

Copyright 2013 by Nick Meima